A dead professor. A missing student.
And a time-traveling detective.
Phil Beans is no ordinary private detective. He doesn’t do things the usual way. With the help of his trusty SX-70 Polaroid camera, he can travel back to when and where a picture was taken. But a murder case plunges Phil into a complicated world of cause and effect. If hindsight is 20/20, going back in time is like X‑ray vision, but is it enough to help Phil sort things out?
“I can’t imagine why
ANYONE WOULD WANT TO READ THIS BOOK!”
~ Corvus Durant
“Phil of Beans is the kind of book everybody loves to hate.”
~ Chianti Carbonara
Cast of Characters :
Phil Beans - Private detective, geek, and hopeless romantic.
Holly Farthing - Waitress at the Vegan Café and kick-ass girl.
Corvus Durant - Professor of Physics and utter evil bastard.
Havarti Frisk - Detective Sergeant and Phil’s best friend.
Slo Hasty - IT guy, hacker, DJ, and all-round chill dude.
Chris ‘Rusty’ Pedge - Accountant and unashamed Ginger.
Georgia Cornwallis - Ace physicist and Southern cutie-pie.
Limehouse Wigtwizzle - Holly’s lovely old professor friend.
Arbley Scrump - College groundsman and jolly decent chap.
Akito Takaya - Georgia’s mathemagician friend from Kyoto.
Marion Thistle - Runs the B & B, makes great rock cakes.
Plumbus Thistle - Does odd jobs and puts up with Marion.
Perkins - Head porter, Westgate College, bloody hates students.
Cornelius “Chip” Cornwallis IV - Georgia’s proud dad.
Hillman Hunter - Detective Inspector and total tosser.
Collard Green - Curmudgeonly owner of the Vegan Café.
Ruby - Fierce grandma, and Landlady at The Firkin Folly.
Westgate College, Oxford - westgatecollege.org.uk.
and Phil’s 1963 Ford Zephyr 4 MkIII.
“I really wish it had been
THE BEST DANG BOOK I EVER READ”
~ Cornelius Cornwallis IV
“It’s not exactly bloody Shakespeare.”
~ Slo Hasty
“Give me £5 and I’ll say it’s
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!”
~ Rusty Pedge
“This book is perfect
for under my wonky table.”
~ Plumbus Thistle
“Nowhere near
AS GOOD AS DOUGLAS ADAMS!”
~ Holly Farthing
“Bloody rubbish for a cookery book. Not a single vegan recipe. One star.”
~ Collard Green
The Rutherford Atom pinbadge appears courtesy of Lauren at ScienceScribbles on Etsy.
Poppies available from all good British Legion volunteers
© Music and artwork: copyright Mark J. Wilson 2006–2025. Video music credits:
“Challenger” by Horizon features on Phil and Holly at MacDonald’s.
“Angel City” by Horizon features on Holly and Wigtwizzle.
